I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
