ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
