My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
