Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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