It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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