The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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