I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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