he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
