last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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