I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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