3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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