Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
