Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
