I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
