Pants 0. Shit 1.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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