How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
