so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
