sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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