It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
