I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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