I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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