THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i now understand why vodka
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
