you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
