I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
