final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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