he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
