He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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