if you like me you must not know who I am
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
