No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont even know how to be here
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
