NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
