my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
