New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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