I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
