Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
