Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
