It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
