You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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