I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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