don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
