she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
