I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
