well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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