This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
