I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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