it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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