Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
