Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
