I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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