Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
