I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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