take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
