I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
