brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
