I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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