True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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