I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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