I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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