Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
