she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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