i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
