i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
