I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
