Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
