i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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