Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
