dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My balls are so social today.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
