i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
