You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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