Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
