its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
