New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
