Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
