i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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