i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
