two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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