Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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